No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Randomize
