The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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