Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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