if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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