Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
