dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
