I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
