we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
