i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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