Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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