bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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