I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
