At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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