My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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