We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
im holly from the hills drunk
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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