There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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