My liver just broke up with me...
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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