capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I pour the whiskey from now on
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
