Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
