Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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