At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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