Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
