i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Can I color on your dick again?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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