So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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