I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
