And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
