it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
