I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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