I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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