do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
