you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
