this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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