So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I have tasted many bathrooms
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
