He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
