your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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