Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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