You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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