Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
