well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
