Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
