you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
