I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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