TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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