i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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