My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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