no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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