a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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