I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You're like the curious george of whores
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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