I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
