I'm so fucking centered right now
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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