my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
