Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
