we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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