When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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