Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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