I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Damn victory sex feels great
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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