Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
