Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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