It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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