I think I died a long time ago.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
