sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
