If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
