I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
