there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
