Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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