I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
