chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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