i don't like sucking hair
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
