I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
