Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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