I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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