Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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