It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
