I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
