Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Congratulations! We have a period
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