Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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