you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
