He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
