____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
