Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
