Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
