yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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