in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
