I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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