can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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